Gamifying Death: How the Death Deck is Changing End-of-Life Conversations

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Discussing death and dying is never easy, yet it remains one of the most important conversations we can have. In a recent episode of Death and Dying in the Digital Age, host Niki Weiss sat down with Lisa Pahl, LCSW, co-creator of The Death Deck, to explore how humor, gamification, and thoughtful prompts can make these challenging discussions more accessible.

Lisa’s professional experience in hospice and emergency medicine inspired her to create this innovative tool. Over nearly two decades, she has witnessed how unspoken wishes can lead to confusion, stress, and missed opportunities for connection in families facing the end of life. The Death Deck offers a structured, lighthearted way to address these conversations before they become urgent, bridging the gap with humor and thoughtful questions.

Why is Talking About Death So Difficult?

Most people avoid discussing death due to discomfort and societal taboos. Lisa explains that many people are unprepared for these conversations, often because they were never modeled or encouraged in childhood. This avoidance can lead to chaos and misunderstandings when families face an end-of-life crisis.

Lisa shared the story of a hospice patient named Joe, whose family struggled with conflicting opinions about his care because his wishes were never discussed. Years later, Lisa and Joe’s wife, Lori, created The Death Deck to address this gap, using humor to make the process less intimidating.

Humor is a powerful tool for reducing fear and stigma around mortality. Questions in The Death Deck range from playful to profound, offering an easy entry point for deeper conversations. Starting with lighthearted prompts—such as "Would you buy your dream house if someone had been murdered there?"—the clever tool helps break the ice. As Lisa explains, "It’s playful at the start, and then we move toward the more poignant questions."

Using Humor and Gamification to Break Barriers

Gamifying conversations about death creates a safe, approachable space. Lisa shared that The Death Deck’s combination of humor and storytelling allows families to laugh together while opening up about important topics. Players often find themselves sharing stories and experiences they might otherwise avoid.

Lisa emphasized the importance of balance, explaining that humor doesn’t diminish the seriousness of the topic but makes it easier to approach. “When we can laugh, we lessen the intensity and fear. It’s not this scary thing in the corner anymore—it’s just a fact of life.”

The Death Deck and now available EOL Deck has become a favorite tool among professionals in the end-of-life space. Hospice workers, social workers, and end-of-life doulas use it to guide meaningful discussions. For families, it provides a structured way to explore decisions about healthcare, legacy, and personal wishes in a less intimidating environment.

Addressing Cultural and Digital Challenges

Cultural beliefs often complicate discussions about death. In some communities, talking about death is seen as inviting bad luck. Lisa noted that while these sensitivities require extra care, they don’t have to prevent meaningful conversations. She encourages families to start with less direct topics, such as illness progression, before moving into end-of-life planning.

In addition to cultural barriers, the rise of digital technology has introduced new challenges. Many families struggle with accessing online accounts or managing digital assets after a loved one’s passing. Lisa urges patients and families to plan ahead by organizing digital passwords and account details. “The lack of access to people’s accounts is one of the top frustrations I hear from grieving families,” she shared.

This issue is particularly pressing in the digital age, where everything from bank accounts to social media profiles is managed online. Lisa recommends including digital legacy planning in end-of-life preparations to ease the burden on surviving family members.

Empowering Families Through Conversations

Talking about death isn’t just about planning for the end—it’s about living with intention. Lisa believes that empowering families to have these conversations before a crisis arises is one of the greatest gifts we can give. By aligning on key decisions, families can reduce the emotional burden of second-guessing their loved ones’ wishes after they’re gone.

Lisa advises starting small, using tools like the Death Deck to open the door to meaningful discussions. She also recommends using real-life scenarios or media—such as movies, TV shows, or articles—to spark conversations. For example, a storyline about illness or loss can naturally lead to discussions about personal preferences and values.

For professionals, The Death Deck and EOL Deck offers a valuable resource. End-of-life doulas, social workers, and other caregivers have found it to be an effective way to facilitate conversations that might otherwise feel too daunting. These card games helps create a safe space for families to explore sensitive topics together.

Finding Peace in Preparation

Planning for the end of life doesn’t have to feel daunting or grim. With tools like The Death Deck and EOL Deck, families can approach these conversations with clarity, compassion, and even a little humor. Lisa emphasized that preparation not only eases the logistical burdens on loved ones but also provides emotional peace of mind.

By starting early and taking small steps, families can ensure that their wishes are honored and their legacy is preserved. Lisa shared that having these conversations before a crisis can make all the difference in helping families feel connected and prepared.

The emotional benefits of preparation are profound. Lisa noted that one of the most common questions grieving families ask is, “Did I do the right thing?” By discussing wishes openly, families can feel more confident in their decisions, reducing the second-guessing that often accompanies grief.

Start the Conversation

Discussing death is never easy, but it’s an essential part of living well. Whether through tools like The Death Deck or small conversations sparked by real-life events, these discussions help families navigate the end of life with greater ease and understanding.

Start small, share a laugh, and open the door to meaningful conversations. By embracing tools like The Death Deck, we can transform death from a taboo subject into an opportunity for connection and empowerment.

Ready to begin your journey? Listen to the full episode of Death and Dying in the Digital Age for more insights and stories. Together, we can create a culture where discussing death becomes a natural and enriching part of life.

Don't leave any pieces of your legacy to chance. As a next step, you can start and develop your plan by downloading the app, My Final Playbook. Starting with the free course, you'll learn what a Final Playbook is, why you need one and how to start the end-of-life planning process.