Education

Embracing the Inevitable: Why End-of-Life Planning is a Gift

Talking about death and dying is uncomfortable. Most of us avoid it, push it aside, and assume we’ll deal with it when the time comes. But as experts in hospice and palliative care remind us, avoiding these conversations only makes it harder when the inevitable arrives.

by, Niki Weiss
Feb 11, 2025

About This Blog

In a recent episode of the Death and Dying in the Digital Age podcast, host Niki Weiss sat down with Dr. Marianne Matzo, FAAN, a seasoned palliative care nurse and founder of Everyone Dies, a nonprofit and podcast dedicated to End-of-Life education. Their conversation explored the complexities of death in today’s medicalized world, the challenges families face in decision-making, and the importance of having a clear plan long before it’s needed.

The Difference Between Hospice and Palliative Care

One of the most misunderstood aspects of End-of-Life care is the distinction between hospice and palliative care. While they share a common goal—improving quality of life—they serve different purposes:

Palliative Care is available to anyone with a serious illness, regardless of prognosis. It focuses on pain and symptom management and can be integrated alongside curative treatments.
Hospice Care is reserved for those with a life expectancy of six months or less. It shifts focus entirely to comfort care and symptom relief, rather than seeking a cure.

A major issue, as discussed in the podcast, is that many patients and families delay hospice care until the very last moments of life—sometimes mere days or weeks before passing. This delay often stems from a cultural aversion to discussing death, coupled with a healthcare system that prioritizes intervention over comfort.

Why Families Struggle with End-of-Life Decisions

A common scenario in End-of-Life care involves family members struggling to agree on what’s best for their loved one. As Dr. Matzo explained, these conflicts often arise because there were no prior conversations or directives in place.

When a loved one is no longer able to express their wishes, families are left making difficult decisions in a vacuum. Some members may cling to every possible medical intervention, while others may advocate for a more natural passing. Without clear guidance, disagreements can lead to emotional turmoil and guilt.

To avoid this, experts strongly advocate for advance care planning—the process of documenting one’s End-of-Life wishes before they become necessary.

The Importance of Medical Advance Directives

A medical advance directive is a legal document that outlines a person’s medical wishes should they become unable to communicate. This includes:

Whether they want to be resuscitated
Their stance on artificial life support (ventilators, feeding tubes, etc.)
Preferences for pain management and comfort care
Naming a healthcare proxy—a trusted person who can make medical decisions on their behalf

Every state has different laws regarding medical advance directives, but most allow free access to standardized forms. Websites like Five Wishes provide a user-friendly way to document preferences in an accessible, compassionate manner.

Allowing for a Natural Death

A powerful theme discussed in the podcast was the concept of allowing natural death. Modern medicine has given us the ability to prolong life far beyond what was once possible, but this often comes at the cost of quality of life.

In some cases, aggressive treatments do not offer meaningful extension of life but rather prolong suffering. For example, hospital transfers for frail elders can be disorienting and traumatic. As Dr. Matzo pointed out, emergency rooms are not designed for peaceful End-of-Life experiences; they are chaotic, bright, and cold—a stark contrast to a home or hospice setting.

Choosing to allow natural death does not mean giving up. It means recognizing when medical intervention is no longer beneficial and prioritizing dignity, comfort, and peace.

Taking Action: What You Can Do Today

If you haven’t had these conversations yet, now is the time. Here are some simple steps you can take to ensure you and your loved ones are prepared:

Start the Conversation – Talk openly with your family about what matters most to you. Share your thoughts on quality of life, medical interventions, and where you’d prefer to spend your final days.
Complete a Medical Advance Directive – Download your state’s form, fill it out, and discuss it with your loved ones.
Appoint a Healthcare Proxy – Choose someone you trust to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to.
Organize Important Documents – Keep your medicaladvance directive, insurance policies, and any End-of-Life preferences in a dedicated, accessible place. Some call this a "crucial doc box."
Explore Hospice and Palliative Care Options – If you or a loved one is facing a serious illness, ask your doctor about palliative care early. Don’t wait until the final days to explore hospice care—it is a resource meant to be used for months, not just weeks.

Final Thoughts: A Gift of Peace

End-of-life planning isn’t about being morbid—it’s about taking control and removing the burden of tough decisions from your loved ones. It’s about ensuring that when the time comes, your passing is met with peace, dignity, and the comfort of knowing your wishes are honored.

If you found these topics insightful, be sure to watch the full episode with Niki and Dr. Marianne Matzo on YouTube. Also, check out Marianne’s nonprofit, Everyone Dies, where you’ll find more resources, educational materials, and even a podcast dedicated to these important conversations.

By embracing the conversation about death, we create a more compassionate and prepared world for ourselves and those we love.

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The Gift of Asking: Why Funeral Registries Are the Future of Grieving

When someone we love dies, the silence that follows can be deafening. But almost immediately, another sound fills the air. It is the chorus of well-meaning friends and family asking, "How can I help?" It is a beautiful question that comes from a place of love. Yet, for the person deep in grief, that question can feel like a burden. You are exhausted and your brain is in a fog. You likely have no idea what you need, let alone how to articulate it. Maybe you need help paying for the funeral, which can cost upwards of $15,000. Maybe you just need someone to mow the lawn or pick up the kids from school. But saying that out loud feels impossible as it feels vulnerable. I recently sat down with Janet Turkula and Ryan Oliveira, the team behind GiveWillow, to talk about this exact dilemma. They have built something that feels both revolutionary and incredibly obvious. It is a registry for funerals. From Trauma to Tech: A Personal Story Janet’s journey to founding GiveWillow started in a place many of us fear. In 2010, she was just 21 years old when her father passed away suddenly . She was young, grieving, and completely unprepared for the reality of planning a funeral. Like many people, she assumed her dad would live well into his 80s or 90s. He was a blue-collar worker with no savings and no will . Suddenly, she was faced with funeral costs she could not afford while trying to process the trauma of losing her parent . Years later, a friend lost an uncle, and Janet wanted to help. She looked online for a way to send something meaningful. She wanted to do something other than sending flowers or a casserole. She found nothing . In a world where we can order a car or a meal with a single tap, there was no easy way to support a grieving family financially or practically. That gap in the market and in our culture of care birthed GiveWillow. Why a Registry? We have registries for weddings. We have them for babies. We even have wish lists for birthdays . These are all major life transitions where our community gathers around to support us. So why do we stop when it comes to the most difficult transition of all? A funeral registry works just like any other registry. You can select the specific things you need help with. This might include the big-ticket items like a casket, an urn, or catering for the reception . But it also includes the hidden costs that people often forget. These can include travel expenses for family members or even the fee for refrigeration at the funeral home. By listing these items, families can give their community a concrete way to help. Instead of a vague "let me know if you need anything," a friend can log on and see that they need help covering the cost of the flowers. It transforms a stressful question into a simple and actionable act of love. More Than Just Money One of the most touching parts of my conversation with Ryan was hearing about the "time and effort" feature on the platform. Not everyone needs financial help, and not everyone can afford to give money. But support comes in many forms. GiveWillow allows families to register for acts of service too. You can add items like "lawn care," "running errands," "childcare," or even just "sitting with me" to your registry . This is profound because it validates those needs. It tells the grieving person that it is okay to need help with the laundry or to need someone to drive the carpool. And for friends who want to help but do not have extra cash, it gives them a way to show up that is just as valuable. Breaking the Silence Around Cost We rarely talk about the price tag of death. It feels taboo to put a dollar amount on a funeral as if it somehow cheapens the loss. But the reality is that funerals are expensive. Ryan mentioned that simply going through the process of building a registry can be an eye-opening educational tool. It allows you to see the "sticker price" of your wishes before you are in the emotional heat of the moment. You might realize that the big party with the margarita bar you envisioned costs $15,000 . Knowing that ahead of time allows you to plan. It allows you to ask for help specifically for that celebration rather than being blindsided by the bill later. This transparency empowers families by taking the mystery and the shame out of the financial conversation. A Tool for the Living While GiveWillow is a lifeline for those who have just lost someone, it is also a powerful tool for those of us who are still here. We often think pre-planning is only for the elderly or the sick. But as Janet’s story reminds us, death can be sudden. Creating a registry now, even if you are young and healthy, is a gift to your future self and your family. It acts as a roadmap. It tells your loved ones exactly what you want. Do you want cremation? A green burial? A big party? It removes the guesswork during a time when their brains will be foggy with grief. Ryan noted that they are even seeing people with terminal illnesses use the platform to ask for help with medical bills alongside their funeral wishes . It is becoming a holistic way to support someone through their end-of-life journey. Overcoming the "Ick" Factor I know what some of you might be thinking. "Is it tacky to ask for money for a funeral?" "Does this feel too much like crowdfunding?" Janet was clear that this is not just about raising funds. It is about re-gifting community support. It is about channeling the love that people already want to give into the places where it will actually make a difference. We have all seen the GoFundMe campaigns that circulate after a tragedy. They have their place. But a registry feels different because it feels personal and intentional. It allows a friend to say that they bought the flowers for Dad's service rather than just throwing money into a pot. It creates a connection between the giver and the receiver that is rooted in care rather than just cash. A Small Step You Can Take Today If you are reading this and feeling a little overwhelmed, that is okay. You do not have to plan your entire funeral today. But maybe you can take one small step toward opening the conversation. Check out GiveWillow just to see what a funeral registry looks like. Notice the categories. See what things cost. Talk to your partner or a close friend about one thing you might want or definitely do not want at your own service. Breaking the silence is the first step toward taking back control. Death is the one certainty we all share. By planning for it, and by allowing our community to support us through it, we are not being morbid. We are being human. We are letting love have the last word. 🎧 To hear Janet and Ryan’s full conversation with Niki Weiss, watch the episode on The Digital Legacy Podcast. You can also explore their platform at GiveWillow.com.

Beyond Taboo: Finding Inspiration in the Conversation Around Death

he topic of death, often treated with apprehension and avoidance, is something we all face. It’s an inevitable part of life, and yet, our culture often struggles to engage with it openly. But what if embracing conversations about death could actually illuminate our lives and foster deeper connections? This was the heart of a recent empowering conversation on the Digital Legacy Podcast, where Niki Weiss welcomed Peri Rigler, a former marketing strategist who is now a passionate end-of-life death doula and community builder. Peri shares her unique journey and how she is working to reframe our perception of death, making it less scary and more meaningful. Peri’s path to the death care space was, in her own words, "not on my bingo card." For years, she navigated a fast-paced career in marketing and advertising in New York City. Yet, even in her twenties, a persistent "pang" or "ache" began to surface, a persistent inner voice questioning her vocational alignment. This voice, surprisingly, always pointed her toward the death space, a calling she initially found peculiar and difficult to articulate to others. A Calling to Compassion: From Marketing to Meaning Peri describes this pull as an insistent calling that grew stronger with time. It wasn't a morbid fascination but a profound desire to help people in intimate and meaningful ways during one of life's most challenging transitions. The question "What happened to you?" often came with an air of concern from friends and family, implying a negative, perhaps even obsessive, focus. However, for Peri, her focus on death is quite the opposite. She sees death through a lens that helps create a better life, not a gloomy one. Her drive is to assist others on their journey through loss and transition, framing it as a positive and essential part of the human experience. As she aptly put it, it's "the opposite of gloomy." Loosening the "Death Grip": A Brighter Approach Peri’s pivotal shift came during a period of professional transition in Colorado, which provided the mental space to truly listen to that persistent inner voice. She pursued and obtained her death doula certification through the International End of Life Doula Association. This led her to meaningful hospice volunteer work, where she realized the profound need for more open dialogue around death. She noticed people held a "death grip" on the topic, a firm resistance to discussing it. This insight, combined with her marketing background, sparked a creative idea: a podcast that could approach death in a relaxed, non-scary way. This is how "Mostly Death Stuff" was born. Her branding, with its bright yellow sweater and vibrant imagery, is intentionally designed to reflect this mission: to bring light and approachability to the death space. Death and Donuts: Building Community Through Shared Humanity Building on the success of her podcast, Peri felt a strong pull to create community. Recognizing the widespread ache for human connection in today's society, she developed the grassroots community "Death and Donuts". The name itself, she explains, is designed to evoke a smile, pairing two seemingly disparate things to lower the threshold of discomfort surrounding death. It’s about creating a safe space where people can come together face-to-face and virtually to engage in authentic conversations. She launched "Death and Donuts" with a simple Facebook post asking if anyone was interested in a community group that talked about death stuff in a light, bright way, a group that gave "permission to giggle every once in a while." To her surprise, 125 people immediately provided their emails. This overwhelming response signaled a deep, unmet need for such a space. Everyone Qualifies: Death as the Ultimate Unifier Peri emphasizes that "everyone qualifies" for Death and Donuts. Death is the ultimate unifier, a universal experience that transcends age, background, and belief. She envisions her community as another type of affinity group, akin to clubs for dog lovers or hikers. Her goal is to create an environment where everyone feels welcome, regardless of whether they are introverted or extroverted, curious or hesitant. Her events range from informative tours of eco-funeral homes to meetings with psychic mediums, and even simple gatherings at a donut shop to just "talk about death stuff." The surprising side effect, she notes, is that "a side effect of talking about death is actually a shinier life." These conversations, rather than being gloomy, often leave participants feeling a sense of upliftment and renewed appreciation for life.

Why Estate Planning Matters More Than You Think, Regardless of Your Age

Most people put off estate planning, convinced it’s something only for the wealthy or elderly. The reality is far different—estate planning is for everyone. If you have children, assets (no matter how small), or even just social media accounts, having a plan in place can spare your loved ones stress, confusion, and financial strain.

Unmasking Grief: Why Planning for Death Is an Act of Love

We spend so much of our lives wearing masks. Someone asks, "How are you?" and the automatic response is almost always, "I’m fine." We say it even when we are exhausted. We say it when we are overwhelmed. We say it because resilience is often praised while vulnerability is viewed as a risk. But what happens when that silence carries over into the most inevitable part of our human experience? I recently had a deeply moving conversation with Mirtha Peña, a Somatic Stress Release Coach, on the Digital Legacy Podcast. We spoke about her beloved brother, Richard, who passed away unexpectedly. While Richard was the life of the party, successful, kind, and outwardly happy, he was privately carrying a heavy burden of anxiety and depression that he felt he could not share. His story highlights a critical intersection that we rarely discuss. It is the connection between our nervous system, our unexpressed grief, and the administrative chaos we leave behind when we die without a plan.

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