Beyond Taboo: Finding Inspiration in the Conversation Around Death

The topic of death, often treated with apprehension and avoidance, is something we all face. It’s an inevitable part of life, and yet, our culture often struggles to engage with it openly. But what if embracing conversations about death could actually illuminate our lives and foster deeper connections? This was the heart of a recent empowering conversation on the Digital Legacy Podcast, where Niki Weiss welcomed Peri Rigler, a former marketing strategist who is now a passionate end-of-life death doula and community builder. Peri shares her unique journey and how she is working to reframe our perception of death, making it less scary and more meaningful.

Peri’s path to the death care space was, in her own words, "not on my bingo card." For years, she navigated a fast-paced career in marketing and advertising in New York City. Yet, even in her twenties, a persistent "pang" or "ache" began to surface, a persistent inner voice questioning her vocational alignment. This voice, surprisingly, always pointed her toward the death space, a calling she initially found peculiar and difficult to articulate to others.

A Calling to Compassion: From Marketing to Meaning

Peri describes this pull as an insistent calling that grew stronger with time. It wasn't a morbid fascination but a profound desire to help people in intimate and meaningful ways during one of life's most challenging transitions. The question "What happened to you?" often came with an air of concern from friends and family, implying a negative, perhaps even obsessive, focus. However, for Peri, her focus on death is quite the opposite.

She sees death through a lens that helps create a better life, not a gloomy one. Her drive is to assist others on their journey through loss and transition, framing it as a positive and essential part of the human experience. As she aptly put it, it's "the opposite of gloomy."

Loosening the "Death Grip": A Brighter Approach

Peri’s pivotal shift came during a period of professional transition in Colorado, which provided the mental space to truly listen to that persistent inner voice. She pursued and obtained her death doula certification through the International End of Life Doula Association. This led her to meaningful hospice volunteer work, where she realized the profound need for more open dialogue around death.

She noticed people held a "death grip" on the topic, a firm resistance to discussing it. This insight, combined with her marketing background, sparked a creative idea: a podcast that could approach death in a relaxed, non-scary way. This is how "Mostly Death Stuff" was born. Her branding, with its bright yellow sweater and vibrant imagery, is intentionally designed to reflect this mission: to bring light and approachability to the death space.

Death and Donuts: Building Community Through Shared Humanity

Building on the success of her podcast, Peri felt a strong pull to create community. Recognizing the widespread ache for human connection in today's society, she developed the grassroots community "Death and Donuts". The name itself, she explains, is designed to evoke a smile, pairing two seemingly disparate things to lower the threshold of discomfort surrounding death. It’s about creating a safe space where people can come together face-to-face and virtually to engage in authentic conversations.

She launched "Death and Donuts" with a simple Facebook post asking if anyone was interested in a community group that talked about death stuff in a light, bright way, a group that gave "permission to giggle every once in a while." To her surprise, 125 people immediately provided their emails. This overwhelming response signaled a deep, unmet need for such a space.

Everyone Qualifies: Death as the Ultimate Unifier

Peri emphasizes that "everyone qualifies" for Death and Donuts. Death is the ultimate unifier, a universal experience that transcends age, background, and belief. She envisions her community as another type of affinity group, akin to clubs for dog lovers or hikers. Her goal is to create an environment where everyone feels welcome, regardless of whether they are introverted or extroverted, curious or hesitant.

Her events range from informative tours of eco-funeral homes to meetings with psychic mediums, and even simple gatherings at a donut shop to just "talk about death stuff." The surprising side effect, she notes, is that "a side effect of talking about death is actually a shinier life." These conversations, rather than being gloomy, often leave participants feeling a sense of upliftment and renewed appreciation for life.

Empowerment Through Conversation

During the podcast conversation, Peri and Niki publicly committed to rebrand death by moving it from a taboo topic to an empowering one. They believe that by opening up these conversations, planning for the inevitable, and building supportive communities, we can lessen the intensity of grief and replace fear with peace of mind. Their work is a testament to the belief that confronting our mortality can, paradoxically, lead to a fuller, more meaningful existence.

Here are a few steps you can take today to embrace this journey:

• Get Curious: Allow yourself to lean into conversations about death. Start with small steps, perhaps by exploring podcasts or online resources from empathetic voices like Peri.

• Connect Authentically: Consciously reduce screen time and seek out real-life interactions with people. Building genuine human connections can enrich your life and provide support during difficult times.

• Explore Local Communities: Look for local or virtual groups that foster open discussions about end-of-life topics. These communities can offer a safe space to share, learn, and process.